Prisoners of War Omake
by XpaperplaneX
Summary: Chapter 5: ShinRa's annual Midwinter Party is something all SOLDIERs and their partners look forward too. Unfortunately, they sometimes forget that not everyone knows the about the party's conventions.
1. Princess Sephiroth vs Zack Fair

A/N: This wouldn't get out of my head! It's an omake set a while before the start of PoW. There will probably be more of these in the future.

***

"Hold still."

"Quit pulling!"

"I'm not pulling! You've just got stupid-long hair!"

"I happen to like it this length."

"Which is why I'm going to all the trouble of doing this for you. Although I'm still not sure _why_." Zack picked up another bobby pin from the giant pile on the table and held it in his mouth with a look of intense concentration.

"I told you, if you're going to demand that I go to this _club_ with you, I at least don't want to be recognized," Sephiroth explained yet again as Zack stuck the bobby pin in place.

"Yeah, I got that part. What I don't understand is _why_ you don't want to be recognized. You'd have no problem picking up all the chicks you wanted. You probably wouldn't have to pay for a single drink, either."

"I don't _want_ to pick up chicks. And I can afford to pay for my own drinks. At least then I'd know they hadn't been tampered with."

"You could give the free drinks to me, then. How can you not want to pick up chicks?" Zack sounded appalled.

"They don't interest me, Zack. Are you almost done?"

"Just about. I need a few more pins then you should be set. Whadd'ya mean they don't interest you?"

"They just don't, okay?"

"So, what? Are you gay?"

"Does it matter?"

"Sure it does. I need to know these things if I'm going to set you up with pe- OWW! Seph!"

"I don't want to be set up with anyone. And did you just call me _Seph_?"

"Uh, maybe? Is that a bad thing?"

"My _name_ is _Sephiroth_. I realize there are an awful lot of syllables in it, but do try your hardest to pronounce them all. Would you?"

"Sure thing, Seph. But come on, I'm sure I could find you a nice guy. What's your type?"

"Sephiroth. It's Sephiroth. If you can't even get that right, how am I supposed to trust you to set me up with someone?" Sephiroth had a headache that was growing worse every second he spent with this overly energetic man. "When are Angeal and Genesis getting here?" Maybe they could save him.

"Should be pretty quick. Aaaand… You're done! All set for a night on the town." Zack sat back and admired his handiwork, grinning.

Just then, there was a knock on the door and Zack hopped up to answer it.

"Hey, guys," he said. "Seph's all ready to go."

"I can't believe you convinced him to come with us. And, did you just call him Seph?" Angeal sounded incredulous.

"Yep, he doesn't mind."

"Yes, I do!" Sephiroth shouted from his spot on the couch.

"He's just joking, we've got it all worked out. And we're going to try to find someone for Seph to hook up with tonight, sound good?"

"Really? You're going to try and hook Sephiroth up?" Genesis appeared from around the corner and stopped dead. "What the hell, Sephiroth!?"

"What?"

Genesis began snickering. "Zack, did you do Sephiroth's hair?"

"Yep! Looks good, doesn't it?" he called from the entrance.

"What did he do to me?" Sephiroth was beginning to worry.

"Haven't you looked in a mirror yet?" Genesis looked like he was truly trying hard not to laugh outright.

Sephiroth nervously got to his feet and went to look in the bathroom mirror. He flicked on the light switch and stared in absolute horror at what had been done to him.

"Sergeant Fair," Sephiroth's voice was deadly calm, "What is this?"

"What?" Zack obviously had no idea that that tone of voice meant to run, and run far. "Don't you like Princess Leia hair?"

***

Towo has done a fantastic comic version of this: http: // towo. livejournal. com / 5387. html


	2. Rock n' Roll Carnival

Title: Rock n' Roll Carnival  
Author: XpaperplaneX  
Beta: urplesquirrel on LJ, aka Doom Squirrel on FF dot net  
Rating: PG  
Pairing: SephirothxCloud  
Genre: Humour, Romance, Yaoi  
Warnings: none  
Summary: Cloud and Sephiroth go clubbing! Holler!  
Disclaimer: I do not own FFVII and make no money from this work.

A/N: This is set sometime between chapters 22 and 23. The omake are either going to be side stories that didn't really fit in the main story without cluttering it up or random funny bits like the first one. They're not going to be necessary to read to follow the main plot, but they should at least be interesting additions to the story. Anyways, have fun reading about their clubbing adventure!

XXX

A loud shriek pierced his ears as Sephiroth lounged in bed on what had been a fine Saturday morning. Cloud had said something about waffles and that he would call him when they were ready, so Sephiroth had been content to laze about until then. He didn't do that anywhere near often enough. That is, he was content until Cloud started shrieking like he was being attacking by mako-enraged monsters. He threw himself out of bed and ran, naked, out into the living room, grabbing Masamune on the way.

"What happened?" he asked as he took up a defensive position covering Cloud and scanning the room for enemies.

"Mademoiselle Yulia is playing tonight!" Cloud waved a newspaper in front of him and Sephiroth blinked at him in confusion.

"What? You're not- There's no danger?"

"Umm, no, and if there was, I think you scared it off. Or enticed it to come closer, depending on its sexual orientation and self-preservation levels." Cloud looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh and Sephiroth felt a little indignant. He had been protecting him! How was he supposed to know that Cloud would randomly shriek over… what was it?

"Forget it, I'm going back to bed," he muttered.

"No, wait!" Cloud grabbed his arm to stop him. "Mademoiselle Yulia is playing!"

"Right, you mentioned that. Should it meant something to me?"

"Well, probably not, but she's a really good DJ and I'd really love to go see her. Do you want to?"

"Tonight?"

"I know it's short notice, but I only just noticed this ad in the paper." Cloud pointed to a large advertisement for this Rock 'n Roll Carnival. "Please? You did promise that we could go to a club sometime."

Sephiroth hesitated. He _had_ promised, but he just wanted to stay home tonight. The thought of going to some loud club full of drunks and flashing lights was a bit daunting after the week he had had. "You like this Yulia person enough to shriek?"

"Yes, sorry." Cloud looked up at him with his huge blue eyes and gave him a pleading look.

"All right," Sephiroth conceded. He could never say 'no' to those eyes. "Can I get dressed now?"

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Cloud jumped and wrapped his arms around Sephiroth's neck, hanging off of him. He plastered his face with kisses between thank yous and Sephiroth felt slightly happier about agreeing. If it would make Cloud _that_ happy, he wouldn't complain. "Breakfast is almost ready, so yes, go get dressed. And thank you for rushing to save me, by the way. That was very sweet of you."

XXX

Sephiroth had insisted on driving, despite Cloud's claims that there was a bus that would take them straight there. He didn't want to be relying on a bus when it came time to leave. That and it was far too likely that he'd be recognised on a bus full of people. At least _in_ the club, it would be dark and people would be paying attention to the music. At least he hoped that would be the case; from what Cloud had told him about this club, it seemed a bit strange. Apparently it was an abandoned shipyard and warehouse that doubled as an art gallery during the day and a club at night. It might not be like the clubs he was used to. Sephiroth turned off the car and looked at Cloud; he was positively vibrating in his seat and Sephiroth shook his head. How could someone be that excited about a DJ?

He checked his hair in the rearview mirror; he had pulled it up into a ponytail and didn't pull it all the way through the last time, so it looked shorter than it actually was. He hoped it would be enough. He had worn a hoodie, just in case, and decided to pull the hood up until they got inside. The parking lot was well lit and there were a lot of people waiting to get it. It would only take one idiot to start a stampede.

"Ready?" Cloud asked.

"As I'll ever be."

"C'mon, it'll be fun, I promise."

"I know, Cloud, don't worry. I'll enjoy myself as long as I get to dance with you."

"You will, lots! Let's go!" Cloud jumped out of the car and ran around to Sephiroth's side and grabbed him by the hand. He looked good in his clubbing outfit. It consisted of extremely tight, artfully torn jeans, a pair of bright red sneakers with white stripes and a black a white striped shirt with a red tie. The shirt was short and showed a tiny sliver of stomach that had Sephiroth torn between wanting to appreciate the view and wanting to hide him from everyone else. He settled for appreciation and let Cloud drag him over to the long line that led up to the entrance.

From the line, Sephiroth could see people running around outside and what looked like food stalls set up along a path leading from the main building to another warehouse. There were DJs with only a few people listening to them playing in a few places outside. The line moved quickly and in a fairly short amount of time, they had made it near the front. Cloud had somehow obtained tickets during the day and handed him one.

"They're going to want to see your ID, so have it out or they get cranky," Cloud said.

"Got it." Sephiroth pulled out his Shinra ID card. So much for his disguise.

Cloud bobbed over to the bouncer on the right and handed over his ticket and ID and Sephiroth followed suit with the other bouncer. The man glanced at his card and was about to hand it back when he took a second look and paused before slowly lifting his head to look at Sephiroth more closely.

"Say anything and you're a dead man." Sephiroth threatened.

The bouncer just nodded and tore his ticket in half. "Fair enough, enjoy your night."

"Huh," Sephiroth said mostly to himself, "I didn't think that would actually work."

The bouncer shrugged as he fastened a yellow band around his wrist. "You're a person too. You should be allowed a night out without being harassed."

"Thank you," Sephiroth gave him a genuine smile and went over to where Cloud was waiting impatiently. "Why is yours blue?" he asked, pointing at Cloud's wristband.

"Means I'm underage. They're really uptight about that here, but it doesn't matter anyways. I'm here for the music, not to drink. So let's go." Cloud grabbed his hand again and led him around the corner where a mass of people was waiting.

Cloud dragged him through the crush; everyone seemed to be bottlenecked in that one area although there didn't seem to be any reason for it. He was pulled past a dilapidated concrete staircase with a few random people hanging out on it and outside into a covered area. There was a pile of broken concrete as tall as he was filling half the space.

"We'll meet here if we get separated, okay?"

"Sure," Sephiroth said. That would be easy enough to find. "So when's this Yulia person on?"

"Her set's not until midnight, but we should be able to find some good people before then. Do you want anything to drink?"

"No, if you're not drinking, I won't either."

"Are you sure? I don't mind if you do."

"I'm sure, I've got to drive anyways."

"All right, then. Let's go find some music." Cloud took him by the hand once more and led him across the open area. "The food here's really good, surprisingly enough. And it's cheap too, although I suppose that's not as important to you."

"I like good, cheap food as much as the next person. Let me know if you're hungry."

They went past a large bar and Cloud pointed to a small door to their left. "This is where they've got they best DJs playing. Mademoiselle Yulia will be here."

A thumping beat could be heard from inside. "Well," Sephiroth gave Cloud's hand a squeeze, "Let's go in. I want to see you dance."

XXX

Cloud moved like water through the mass of people. He started dancing as soon his foot hit the floor in the room and he didn't lose his rhythm once as he led the way towards the stage. Sephiroth had a bit of trouble following him; his size didn't lend itself to easily slipping through crowds. So he resorted to just shoving people out of the way so he wouldn't risk losing Cloud. Cloud found a spot he must have deemed close enough and began dancing in earnest. It was dark enough that Sephiroth decided to risk pushing his hood off; it was too hot in there to keep it on, anyways. There were three screens behind the DJ and they were displaying images and short clips timed with the music. Looking at them hurt Sephiroth's eyes, so he focused on Cloud instead.

Cloud was… sexy. There was no other word for it. He seemed completely oblivious to everything but the music and Sephiroth had thought he would have been too self-conscious to move his body like that. His shirt rode up slightly further; exposing more stomach and Sephiroth noticed a handful of people openly staring. He snarled at them, although it went unnoticed and he stepped closer, wrapping his arms around Cloud's waist. Cloud glanced up at him momentarily before closing his eyes and pressing himself against him.

Following Cloud's movements, Sephiroth hesitantly began moving with the music. Cloud seemed to notice his attempt at dancing and moved his hands to his hips. He gave him some gentle guidance until Sephiroth found his rhythm and began moving more confidently. This wasn't too bad, actually. It was a bit like fighting, only with less violence. Cloud ran his hands up Sephiroth's back and into his hair. He stood on his toes and pulled Sephiroth's head down so he could kiss him.

"Are you having fun?" Cloud shouted at him over the music when he pulled away.

"Very much."

"Good, I'm glad." Cloud undulated against him and Sephiroth found himself wondering if Cloud _knew_ how sexy he was. Somehow, it didn't seem intentional at all.

Sephiroth soon found himself positively dripping sweat and after about an hour, he leaned down to yell in Cloud's ear, "I need some water."

"Good idea, let's go." Cloud nodded and grabbed his hand again, wending his way back outside. He tried getting to the bar, but had somehow lost his ability to get through crowds now that the music wasn't there.

"Find a place to sit," Sephiroth said, pulling up his hood once again, "I'll get the drinks."

"'Kay, I'll be over there." He pointed at some stairs that lead nowhere and had a few people sitting on them.

Sephiroth nodded and began shoving his way to the front of the bar. He got their waters and made his way over to where Cloud was sitting.

"Here," he held out the bottle and took a seat next to Cloud, who snuggled into him immediately.

"Thanks. It's cold out here compared to inside."

"Want my hoodie?"

"Nah, you need it. _You_ can be my jacket."

"Gladly." Sephiroth moved onto the step behind Cloud and squeezed him close to warm him up. "Hey, I have a request for you; don't go dancing without me."

"What? Why not?"

"You're too sexy. I don't trust people to leave you alone."

"Aww, are you jealous? I think you're imagining things."

"Nope, I'm not. Imagining things, that is. You were the sexiest thing out there and you were the only one who didn't know it. I'm not _very _jealous, either; I just don't want you getting molested on the dance floor when you're off in your own little world. If I'm here, I can make sure people know you're with someone. But I'll tell you what, if you agree not to go without me, we can go whenever you want as long as you don't have to work in the morning and I don't have a mission. Please?"

"You're kind of cute when you're jealous, you know that?"

"Is that a 'yes'?"

"All right, as long as you have fun too."

"I will. Didn't I mention that you're sexy as hell when you dance?"

"No, I'm _not!_" Cloud laughed and playfully shoved at his leg. "Stop saying that!"

"Nope, then I'd be a liar." Sephiroth cupped Cloud's chin and tilted his head back. "You don't want that, do you?" he leaned over and muttered before pressing his lips to Cloud's. Cloud instantly relaxed into the odd position and opened his mouth, allowing Sephiroth to dart his tongue in. They kissed passionately for what seemed like only a few moments, but when Sephiroth pulled away, there was loud cheering and he looked up to see that a rather large crowd had gathered. Cloud immediately turned beet red and curled up, trying to hide. Sephiroth grabbed Cloud and pulled him up next to him so he could shield him with his body. A loud growl that was clearly audible to everyone in the immediate vicinity escaped his throat before he realised it.

The growl did its job, however. Several people visibly started at the sound and backed away. Sephiroth continued glaring at everyone gathered and soon enough, the crowd had cleared.

"Sorry," Sephiroth whispered as he turned back to Cloud's balled-up form, "They're gone now."

"Thank you. I… don't like people watching."

"I know, you don't need to explain. I didn't think."

Cloud shook his head. "No, it's not your fault. Do you want to find another DJ? I think Radio Slave's in the Black Room now."

"Sure thing, lead the way."

"It's nice and dark in there, so you should be happy," he said, tugging on Sephiroth's hood.

"Hence its name."

"Hence its name. Although there are also lots of blacklights, which is what I think it's actually named for. I wonder if your hair will glow?"

"It had better not…"

XXX

It turned out, that while his hair _did_ glow under blacklight, it was very faint and barely noticeable amid all the other glowing things. They danced to Radio Slave for a while before running like mad to get back to the room Yulia would be in before her set started. As soon as she started playing, Cloud was off again, lost in the music. Sephiroth found himself pretty much clinging to Cloud as he danced so they wouldn't get separated. He made sure to keep at least one hand on him at all times; otherwise he had a tendency to drift off, following the beat.

Her set ended after an hour and a half and Cloud was both bouncing with excitement and completely exhausted as they left the building. He chugged another bottle of water and leaned against Sephiroth, panting.

"That was so much fun!" he managed to catch his breath long enough to say.

"You look half-dead."

"Well, yeah, and I feel half-dead too. My legs are going to be screaming tomorrow. But it was worth it!"

"Good. I'm glad you had fun."

"But you want to go home."

"Do you mind?"

"No, I'm beat. Let's- Oh, Gaia! Is that her!" Cloud dropped his water bottle and pointed at someone in a fedora and oversized sunglasses.

"Huh?" Sephiroth looked closely. "Oh, Yulia? Yeah, that does look like her."

"I wonder if she'd give me an autograph…" Cloud fidgeted and looked like he desperately wanted to run over there.

"Can't hurt to ask, come on." Sephiroth grabbed Cloud's hand and dragged him. He was protesting something about not wanting to bother her. Sephiroth shrugged that off; plenty of people bothered him for autographs. He deserved something in return every once in a while.

"Excuse me, Mademoiselle Yulia?" Sephiroth caught up and cut in front of her.

"Yes?" she seemed a little annoyed at having been discovered.

"My boyfriend would really like an autograph, would you mind?"

"I'm not doing auto-" she suddenly stopped and leaned a little closer, looking at his face. "Sure, I can do that. But… can I have one from you?"

"Of course," Sephiroth smiled and gave Cloud's hand a squeeze. "See, I told you it doesn't hurt to ask."

Cloud nodded mutely and Yulia waved them off to the side. She hauled out a marker. "What do you want me to sign? And what's your name?"

"My tie, please," Cloud said nervously. "My name's Cloud."

"For real? Cloud? That's off the chain!" She smoothed out Cloud's tie and wrote a rather drawn-out dedication and signed it. She topped it off with a bunch of butterflies, which Sephiroth had noticed seemed to feature in a lot of the videos that played with her music.

"I don't draw, just so you know," Sephiroth cautioned as he took the marker from her and wrote his loopy signature on her hat.

"If you draw butterflies on my hat, no one's going to believe it was really you, so that's all right." She plunked it back on her head and pulled out a camera. "Can I get a picture with you? I can take one with Cloud too, of course."

"Wow," Cloud said, hauling out his PHS, "You're like an all-access pass; I can get all sorts of things if I just show my Sephiroth at the door."

Yulia laughed. "Ahh, but you've got to be careful, the Sephiroth gets worn out if it's used too often."

Sephiroth glared at both of them, but pushed his hood back and smiled while Cloud took the picture. At least she seemed to have a sense of his boundaries. She wasn't trying to climb all over him like a lot of women did when they took pictures with him. She nodded her approval when Cloud showed her the picture and gave him a big hug when they posed together.

"This is so outta control!" she said giddily as Sephiroth shook her hand. "I can't friggin' believe I met you! Thanks so much! And thank you, Cloud, for wanting my autograph! You totally made my night!"

Cloud shook Yulia's hand. "Thank you!"

After a good deal of pointless thank yous being traded back and forth, Sephiroth finally managed to drag Cloud away. "Happy now?" he asked.

"Yes! Very happy! Thanks for playing the Sephiroth card, I know you hate that."

"It's no problem. She was actually pretty nice. And much saner than a lot of my fans, so that was a nice change of pace. I don't mind doing autographs for the people who won't try to sexually assault me in the middle of it."

"Yeah, I can see how that would be better."

"Here," Sephiroth stripped off his hoodie and handed it to Cloud as they got to the car, "I don't need it anymore and it's hard to drive with you on my lap."

"Thanks!" Cloud gratefully pulled it on and wrapped his arms around himself. "Are you sure you won't be cold?"

"I'm sure. Now get in, I want to go collapse in bed and cuddle up with my Cloud. After being used as an all-access pass, I need some Cloud comfort."

"I think I can fill that order. Do you want naked Cloud or non?"


	3. The Memo

_**Title:**_ The Memo  
_**Author: **_XpaperplaneX  
_**Beta:**_ Urplesquirrel  
_**Rating:**_ PG  
_**Word Count:**_ ~5100  
_**Pairings:**_ SephirothxCloud  
_**Genre:**_ hurt/comfort, romance, slash  
_**Warnings:**_ none  
_**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own FFVII and make no money from this work.  
_**Summary:**_ The problem with fanclubs… they're full of fans.

Sugoi! Three posts in one week… I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing… Hence using the generic _sugoi,_ which is a word I really like and wish there was a proper translation for. And YAY! It's Friday!

This started out as a short funny bit about Sephiroth getting a memo reminding him not to kill civilians. It turned into a rather serious and outrageously long side story that ended up having an influence on some of the details of PoW. It's still not necessary to read it, but I do recommend it. Also, I think it's quite good. I'm really happy with it, actually, so I think you should read it for that reason too. Set sometime after chapter 25 and before 27 of PoW, but I think it's most likely before chapter 26.

XXX

_Attn: First Class SOLDIERs_

_Re: Definition of civilian_

_Please keep in mind that, while certain groups dedicated to your activities may be annoying, you are not allowed to kill civilians. Fanclub members are civilians, by the way. That means you, Sephiroth. Keep your sword in its sheath. I mean it. No matter what they do._

_Lazard Deusericus, SOLDIER Director_

Sephiroth glared at his inbox; that didn't bode well at all. He dialed Zack's number.

"Hey, Seph, I was just about to call you. Um, you know how I joined the Silver Elite to keep an eye on them for you?"

"What did they do?"

"Well, in the grand scheme of things, it's probably not that bad. We're not talking cosmic terror and madness or anything."

"What did they do?"

"Uh, well, they published Cloud's name and a picture of him. Most people are happy about it. They're glad they know who he is, happy you're happy, that sort of thing."

"So why do I have a memo that's obviously specifically for me, even though Lazard's trying to be diplomatic by sending it to everyone, telling me not to kill people?"

"It's just… not everyone was happy. Some people seem to be upset that it's a fact that you're gay; their chances have been ruined, you see."

"They never _had_ a chance."

"I know, I know, but you know how the crazy people work. They think that if you caught a glimpse of them, you'd fall madly in love and sweep them off their feet. Or some bullshit like that. Point is, some people are blaming Cloud for ruining things and corrupting you."

"What have they done? I mean, how do you know they're blaming him?" Sephiroth looked down and saw that he was gripping Masamune's hilt hard enough that his entire hand had turned white. He started slowly drawing it out of its sheath.

"Sephiroth, I can hear that. I have enhanced hearing too, you know. Stop it."

Sephiroth didn't stop drawing the blade, but he did slow down enough that there was no way that Zack would be able to hear it. "I've stopped, answer the question."

"Yeah, right, I believe you, Seph." Zack sighed loudly. "Mostly they're just ranting on the comms dedicated to you, but we've gotten a few phone calls and there was a letter in the mail for him this morning, although there weren't any postmarks on it… I'll be sending any more straight to the Turks to deal with."

The blade sang as Sephiroth pulled Masamune out so quickly that a few sheets of paper flew off the desk and fluttered gently to the floor. He dropped his PHS and stormed towards the door, yanking it open and tearing it off its hinges in the process. He took one step out into the hallway before he changed his mind and went back to grab the PHS. He hung up on Zack and pulled up Cloud's schedule; he was on guard duty at the west gate. Sephiroth dropped the PHS again and strode quickly towards the elevators. Another office door flew open and Lazard came rushing out in a flurry of white and purple.

"Sephiroth! Stop right now and go put your sword back where it belongs. That's an order. I know you're upset, but we have people who can deal with this."

Lazard attempted to block his path, but Sephiroth brushed by him as though he wasn't even there. His tunnel vision was showing him the path to the elevators and everything else was just background scenery. Unimportant.

There was more shouting behind him, but it wasn't Cloud's voice. Unimportant.

Moments after hitting the button for the elevator, he decided it was taking too long and made for the stairs instead. He looked briefly at the staircase before hopping the railing. He slowed his fall using the railings on either side of the gap and jumping between them. He free-fell for the last seven floors and landed with a graceful thud, causing an office worker to shriek in surprise as an armed and extremely pissed off SOLDIER dented the ground in front of her. Unimportant.

The west gate was a good distance away, but Sephiroth covered it in record time. He brushed past various troops on duty, scanning the area for Cloud's distinctive hair. He couldn't see it anywhere and he was starting to panic. Someone was speaking to him, but the words weren't registering. Unimportant.

Until he caught the word 'Cloud'. Important.

"Speak up, Soldier, what did you just say?" Sephiroth snapped.

"That worked, sir, thank you. Yes, I'll hand you over to him." The soldier in front of him handed him a PHS. Sephiroth took it, quizzically.

"Cloud?" he asked.

"Seph, you're being an idiot," Zack's voice trailed out of the speaker. "Cloud's in the Turks' offices; Cissnei's working out a security plan for him. You could have let me tell you that before you went off in a rage. She wants to talk to you about it, so stop dicking around and acting like a badass jumping down stairwells."

"It was faster," Sephiroth protested weakly.

"And I'm very proud of you. Now give the PHS back to Captain Tauber and try and get to the Turks' offices in a slightly more _sane_ fashion. Okay?"

"Okay." Sephiroth calmly hung up and handed the phone back to the man he now recognised as Cloud's captain. If Cloud was with the Turks, he was fine for now. "Thank you," he said. "I apologise for any trouble I've caused."

"Not at all, sir. You know where Strife is now?"

"Yes, thank you. I'll get out of your hair." Sephiroth noticed he had attracted quite a crowd of young soldiers who had abandoned their duty upon his appearance. He returned to Shinra Tower at a more reasonable pace and took the elevator to the Turks' floor. Although he wondered, as he was going up, what he should do if it was an emergency. Obviously taking the stairs was faster when he needed to go down, but up might be a different matter. He decided that he would have to have Zack help him time it sometime.

XXX

"I know it sucks, but if you want to be with him, you're going to have to get used to it," Sephiroth heard Cissnei say as he paused outside her office door.

"I don't mind, I'll put up with whatever I have to, in order to stay with him." Sephiroth smiled as Cloud reassured her. They could deal with this.

"Good, now, I work as an informant for Zack's fanclub as well. My primary job there is keeping attention away from Aerith. It's a bit late at this point to do the same for you, but we'll work it out and get them off your back, don't worry. And, Sephiroth, you can come in. Eavesdropping is rude."

Sephiroth opened the door and sheepishly stuck his head in. "I apologise," he said.

"Just come in, I've been waiting; we've got damage control to do." Cissnei waved him in and gestured towards a free chair.

Cloud was sitting with his feet up on his chair, hugging his knees the way he tended to when he was stressed. He gave him a rather weak smile. Sephiroth smiled back and noted the dark circles under Cloud's eyes. He was pale and his eyes were quite bloodshot and puffy as well. He sat down and saw a plastic bag on Cissnei's desk with a few pictures in it. Cissnei noticed him looking and quickly snatched the bag off the desk and put it in a drawer. She wasn't quick enough, however, and he caught a glimpse of what looked liked something with hair like Cloud's. There was red splattered over it.

"What the fuck was that?" he asked.

"Nothing," Cissnei said simply with a pointed look in Cloud's direction. "It was nothing to be worried about. We're dealing with it and Cloud and I have worked out a security plan; we can all go over it together later on. For now, we have business to take care of."

"Okay. What do I need to do?"

"You're going to hold a press conference with the Silver Elite tomorrow. A lot of people are still denying that it's true, so you're going to tell them outright that you're dating Cloud. You're going to introduce him as your boyfriend and inform everyone that you're very happy together. You're going to politely request that everyone respect Cloud's privacy and that in return, they will be given occasional updates on your relationship. Shut up, you don't get to argue about this. You and Cloud will pose for a photo op, just holding hands or whatever you're comfortable with is fine," Cissnei looked at Cloud for that last part before turning back to Sephiroth.

"Either before or after the photo op, I haven't decided yet, you're going to tell everyone that since the news broke, Cloud has been harassed by a few, rather unbalanced individuals. You are saddened that some of your fans would show such lack of judgment, but you're going to assure them that you know that _they_ would never be so disrespectful. You also trust them to report any illegal behaviour or threats to the police, because anything that hurts Cloud also hurts you. Don't worry, I'll give you the speech, you just have to memorise it and deliver it convincingly. I know you can do that."

"I've got so many problems with this plan, I don't even know where to start. Can't I just kill a few as examples? Why do we have to go to so much trouble?"

"No, you can't. You got the memo, right? You have your orders. We have to go to so much trouble because it's the best way to get them to respect Cloud. And that's what we want. I know that giving them information about your personal life is galling, but little tidbits here and there will keep them from planting cameras in your shower."

Sephiroth grumbled, but he didn't argue. He really had no idea how to deal with this other than by killing his entire fanbase. "When will you have this speech ready for me?" he asked.

"That's the spirit!" Cissnei punched him on the arm. "We'll go over Cloud's new security plan, then I'll get to work on it. I'll have it for you by early this evening at the latest. Now, Cloud, I want you to explain the plan to Sephiroth, so I know you understand and remember everything."

Cloud nodded and pulled his chair closer to the desk. He resumed holding his knees and remained hunched over, like he was trying to hide. Sephiroth reached out to stroke his hair and Cloud gave him another weak smile. "I'm okay, just a bit freaked out," he said.

"You look more than a bit freaked out."

"Yeah, well, some of your fans are more than a bit crazy. It's a lot to deal with all of a sudden. Anyways, the security thing isn't too complicated, actually. I have to keep my PHS on me at all times, even when I'm on duty. And I have to have a spare battery for it with me, just in case. I'm not allowed to turn it off or disable the GPS. Although Cissnei modified it so that even if the power's off, the GPS will still work. And I'm getting a necklace with a tracking device in it, just in case.

"I have to tell either you or Zack _and_ the Turks if I'm leaving the Shinra compound and I'm not allowed to be unaccompanied in the slums. And if I'm approached by anyone I don't know when I'm not with you or Zack or a Turk, I have to hit the panic button on my PHS twice. I'm not allowed to hesitate about that or wait to see what it is they want."

"And if you're sure that you're in trouble?" Cissnei prompted.

"Hit it three times and attempt to leave the area without putting myself in danger. If I can't escape, I'm to wait for the Turks to come in guns blazing."

"Good. And if you just hit it once?"

"I'll get a call and I have to answer two security questions or you'll assume I'm in trouble."

"Is all this really necessary?" Sephiroth asked. "Is Cloud in _that much_ danger?"

"The threat he received this morning isn't something we want to take lightly," Cissnei replied. "We'd rather be safe than sorry. Keep going, Cloud, you've got it all so far."

"Umm, let me think, when I'm home alone, all the doors and windows have to be kept locked."

"Even if Zack's there too, and especially at night. But I want you to make sure you go around and check each one when you're alone."

"Right. And I'm not allowed to answer either the landline or my PHS if I don't recognise the number. And I have to let Zack get the mail. If there's anything that I don't know who it's from, it gets sent to you guys before it's opened. Same with any packages, except I'm not allowed to touch those at all. Just call the Turks."

"Excellent, that's everything. Tonight, we'll do a thorough sweep of your apartment for bugs, change the locks and make sure that everything's secure. We're also installing a camera outside your door, you'll be able to get a live feed on a screen inside and I want you to check it before you answer the door. I suggest you stay with Sephiroth while we do that; his apartment has already been cleared."

"Is that okay?" Cloud looked up at Sephiroth who gave him an exasperated look in return.

"Of course it is, you know that."

"Okay. Can I get my overnight stuff from my apartment first?"

"Sure," Cissnei said, "But I'd like to have it checked as well. It will only take a few minutes. And Sephiroth, you're on bodyguard duty for the rest of the day. We're going to track down the person who sent the threat, but until we do, I don't want to take any risks. Stay in and keep your heads down. That means no waving swords around and jumping down staircases. Where's the sheath for that thing anyways?"

Sephiroth glanced down at the naked blade he still held and shrugged. "Left it in my office."

XXX

After a quick trip back to the office, Sephiroth escorted Cloud to his apartment to pick up his things. There, they found Zack arguing loudly with Rod over what exactly he was allowed to look through.

"Look!" Rod shouted exasperatedly, "I don't care about whatever embarrassing stuff you might have hidden in the bottom of your drawers. I know about Aerith. I don't care about your secrets, I have to check _everything_; you don't get a choice."

"Just leave that _one_ drawer alone, that's all I'm asking!"

"Zack, let the man do his job," Sephiroth interrupted the argument, causing Zack to jump in surprise.

"Shit, Seph, don't sneak up on people like that! And there's nothing important in that drawer, so there's no need for him to go rooting through it."

"If you don't let Rod check everything _thoroughly_, Cloud's not coming back in this apartment ever again, understood? Now quit complaining. Rod, we're going to get some overnight things for Cloud; can you check them right away?"

"Yes, sir, Cissnei called to let me know you'd be doing that. Just let me know when you've got everything together."

"We will. Zack, if you don't want to stay here to watch your precious drawer get rooted through, you can come over to my place too. There's the spare bed you can use, if you want." Sephiroth didn't want to admit it, but he wasn't sure if he could handle Cloud trying to deal with whatever the threat had been by himself. Someone else who knew exactly what it was would probably be good to have around. And he and Zack hadn't had a chance to hang out much lately.

"Really? Thanks, Seph! To tell you the truth, I really didn't want to be here alone tonight. We can watch some movies and order pizza. It's been forever since we've done that."

"No ordering in for now," Rod said firmly. "If you need food, call Cissnei and she'll get it for you."

"Understood," Sephiroth said. He turned to Cloud, who had remained silent through the whole conversation. He had been so quiet, in fact, that he might have thought he had gone to get his stuff if he hadn't been holding on to Sephiroth's arm with both hands. "Let's go get your things together," he said softly.

Cloud stuck to him like glue as they walked down the hallway to Cloud's room, but he did let go long enough to grab some clothes from the closet. Sephiroth laid them out neatly on Cloud's bed while keeping a concerned eye on his boyfriend. Cloud seemed smaller than usual, for some reason, and his eyes were nervously darting around the room. Sephiroth _sincerely _hoped that the Turks would tell him when they found the person that had sent the threat. Lazard hadn't mentioned anything about torture in his memo. Surely, turning Cloud into a terrified wreck deserved _something _in return.

When Cloud had everything he wanted, he returned to clinging to Sephiroth while Rod checked everything for bugs. Sephiroth couldn't think of anything to do but hold him close while they waited. Soon enough, Rod declared the items clear and went to check Zack's.

"Here," Sephiroth said, handing Cloud his overnight bag, "You hold the bag, and I'll put things in."

"'Kay." Cloud nodded and obediently held the bag open.

"Cloud, it's going to be okay. We won't let anything happen to you."

"I know."

"Do you? Because it seems to me like you don't know." Sephiroth leaned down so they were eye level. "We'll make it through this, Cloud, I promise. Trust me."

"I do! I just- I dunno, I'm tired." Cloud gave a defeated sigh and shoved the rest of his things in the bag. "Is Zack ready to go? I wanna get out of here."

"Let's go check. Even if he's not, we can go. He knows where I live." Sephiroth swung the bag over his shoulder and wrapped his arm around Cloud. He gave him an encouraging squeeze as he guided him towards the door. "Zack, are you ready?"

"Half a sec, I just need to make this fit… okay! I'm good." Zack came out into the hallway with his bag in one hand and the Buster Sword in the other.

Seeing the sword gave Sephiroth an idea and he turned to Cloud. "Do you want to bring your sword and materia? Then you're not having to rely on anyone else."

Cloud's eyes lit up at the suggestion and Zack called for Rod again while Cloud and Sephiroth went to retrieve them. So what if Cloud technically wasn't allowed to carry weapons outside of training? If it would make him feel safer, Sephiroth would bend any rule he needed to in order to make it happen.

XXX

The sound of canned laughter caused Sephiroth to suddenly jerk out of his sleep. He immediately regretted waking up when pain shot down his neck. There was warmth on either side of him and he glanced down; Cloud was curled up in a ball and using his chest as a pillow, and Zack was sound asleep, leaning on his shoulder. He gave Zack a shove, pushing him over to the other side of the couch and used his newly freed hand to adjust the blanket that was falling off of Cloud. Zack groaned and muttered something before giving a loud snore. Sephiroth carefully stretched his neck as much as he dared, not wanting to risk waking up Cloud by cracking it properly.

Using his foot, he grabbed the speech that Cissnei had prepared last night off the table and flipped through it once again. He couldn't believe he had to say all this bullshit. Cissnei told him that it was the only way, but if it didn't work, Sephiroth was doing things _his_ way. It would only take a few examples before the freaks learned. A sword through the gut said things so much more clearly.

According to the very big, very red note that came attached to the speech, he wasn't allowed to ad lib even one word, so he set himself to memorising it word for word. It didn't take long before he had it down and he sat quietly, clutching Cloud close with his face buried in his hair. A part of him couldn't believe that Cloud was putting up with this; it was too much to ask of a person. He wanted to know what exactly the threat had been, but somehow, it didn't seem likely that anyone would tell him. He got the impression that people thought he would fly off the handle if they told him, which probably was a reasonable thing to think.

He felt Cloud begin to stir and softly ruffled his hair. "'Morning."

"Oww…"

"Yeah, me too. At least you didn't have two people using you as a pillow."

"Sorry."

"I didn't mean it like that. I like it when _you_ use me as a pillow. Jackass over here, on the other hand, does not have pillow privileges."

"I can't believe we all just fell asleep on the couch. What time do we have to do that thing?"

"The press conference? Cissnei said she scheduled it for eleven, but I think we have to be there early to prepare. Are you feeling up to it?"

"No choice, so I guess so." Cloud sat up and rubbed at his eyes, yawning.

Sephiroth took the opportunity to crack his back. "Cissnei said that you don't have to say anything if you don't want to, although apparently saying 'hello' and 'nice to meet you' would be a good idea. But you don't have to. You can hide behind me the entire time if you want."

"Heh, you have no idea how tempted I am by that offer. But cowering and using you as a human shield probably isn't the best idea for making a good impression."

"Hmm, maybe not, but don't make yourself uncomfortable. If you're scared, don't force yourself to suffer through it."

"All right. Ugh, this is depressing; I want waffles to cheer us up. Sound good?"

"Sounds delicious. There're some strawberries in the fridge if you want them for on top."

"Yay!" Cloud rushed off to the kitchen to start cooking.

XXX

Cloud peered out from behind Sephiroth while they waited for Cissnei to tell them it was time to go out. There were a _lot_ of people gathered. Sephiroth had a lot more fanclubs than just the Silver Elite and, apparently, Cissnei had invited them all, as well as some proper media personnel. Cowering was starting to seem like a better and better option. He watched as Cissnei confidently walked out to the podium and cleared her throat for attention.

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. I trust you all know why you're here today, so I'm just going to lay out the rules. General Sephiroth is going to speak and you are going to listen. He is not taking any questions and anyone who interrupts him will be escorted out immediately. If you have questions that aren't addressed, please submit them in writing to one of the staff. There will be a photo op afterwards, so please try to keep your photos to a minimum and remain in your seats for the duration of the speech. Sephiroth will answer the questions that were submitted after the photo op. Understood? Good." Cissnei stepped down and walked back towards the side of the stage where Cloud and Sephiroth were waiting.

Cloud clutched nervously at Sephiroth's hand. He felt like crying; this was too much, there were too many people.

"You can do this, Cloud. Please? You don't have to even look at them, just stand there next to me."

"Yeah, man, don't worry about it," Zack gave him an encouraging pat on the shoulder. "Just imagine everyone's a pumpkin."

"A pumpkin?" Cloud gave a shaky sigh. "Never mind. You'll hold my hand while we're out there?"

"Of course," Sephiroth said. "I won't let go for a second."

"You boys ready?" Cissnei asked. Cloud gave a reluctant nod and she smiled at him. "Then go tell those idiots to get their heads out of their asses."

Sephiroth adjusted his grip on Cloud's hand and gave him a gentle tug in the direction of the podium. Cloud started walking like he was on his way to his execution and Sephiroth kept pace with him, blocking off the view of the people waiting. When they finally made it to the podium, they had to turn and Cloud was placed in their line of sight. The flashes of light, gasps, and murmuring were enough to make him want to turn tail and run, but he kept his eyes down and tried to tune it out as best he could.

XXX

"Good morning," Sephiroth started, then he stopped and glared off to his left. He rubbed his thumb over Cloud's knuckles while he waited for someone to realise that he couldn't adjust the height of the microphone without letting go of Cloud. Eventually, one of the techs figured it out and rushed over.

"Good morning," he repeated while forcing a smile. "I'd like to thank everyone for joining me here today. I have a very important announcement I'd like to make and, while I'm sure that you already know what it is, it's something I'd like you to hear from me." Sephiroth paused and pulled Cloud a little bit closer to him. "This is my boyfriend, Cloud."

Sephiroth slogged his way through the speech, keeping it the way Cissnei wanted it as best he could. It was extremely difficult to keep himself from screaming at them when he got to the part about Cloud being harassed. Cloud, for his part, did extremely well. He had smiled and managed a 'hello' after he was introduced, which caused a number of flashes to go off and some loud cooing noises from one of the middle rows. Sephiroth actually felt a bit of empathy for those women; Cloud was hopelessly cute when he was being like that. He had a hard time restraining himself from covering him in kisses, but held himself back, not wanting to give them any more fodder.

When it came time for the photo op, Cloud had calmed down significantly, much to Sephiroth's relief. It wasn't good to be _that _stressed for very long, he was sure. Cissnei had hired a photographer and the shoot itself was done in a private area, away from the reporters and fanclubs. He looked over the pictures with Cloud when they were done, to decide which ones would be given out and he decided that he wanted copies of them all for his photo album. Cloud had relaxed enough during the shoot that they gotten some really good pictures.

Cissnei came up to him with a handful of papers. "These were the questions that weren't entirely inappropriate and I've weeded out the duplicates. Can you answer them _properly _by yourself or do you need me to write answers for you?"

"I can answer them," Sephiroth said grudgingly.

"One of them wants to know how you met."

Cloud's head jerked up at that and he shook it vehemently, backing away as he did so. "No… Please don't tell them that…"

"No, Cloud, I know, don't worry, we're not going to tell them the truth," Cissnei tried to explain, but it took Sephiroth grabbing on to him to keep him from bolting.

"Give me an answer for that one," Sephiroth said as he stroked Cloud's hair, trying to calm him.

"Of course. Cloud, I'm sorry, I should have phrased that better. I'd never suggest that you tell anyone you don't want to tell. "

"It's okay," Cloud mumbled with his face pressed against Sephiroth's chest.

Cissnei sighed and looked back up at Sephiroth. "Tell them that Zack introduced you. He's Cloud's mentor and thought that you would get along. You hit it off and decided to go on a date and things developed from there. Work for you?"

Sephiroth nodded. "Does Cloud have to be there for the questions?"

Cissnei at least looked like she regretted it when she nodded. "He should be. People want to see you together. They _need_ to see you together in order to reinforce it. I'm sorry."

"I can do it, Sephiroth, don't worry," Cloud said quietly. "And then can we go home?" he asked Cissnei.

"Yes, then you can go home."

Cloud nodded resolutely and rubbed his eyes. "Okay, let's get this over with."

XXX

_Subject: The love of silver winds._

_Yesterday, a press conference was held in which Sephiroth introduced us to his boyfriend. A lovely young man, Cloud Strife is 17 years old and hails from the town of Nibelheim on the Western Continent. They were introduced to each other by Lieutenant Zack Fair and fell in love at first sight. What followed was a romance we can only dream of. Cloud is tremendously timid and delicate, which inspires Sephiroth's kind and caring nature. Sephiroth is extremely protective of his shy lover and held his hand throughout the entire conference. He could also be seen doting on him during the photo shoot. They are an adorable couple and we wish them the best!_

_Please see our website for a full report as well as exclusive pictures of the happy couple._

"I am _not_ timid _or_ delicate!" Cloud seethed. "I was freaked out. Anyone would be if they were exposed to maniacs like that."

"I dunno," Zack said, "You looked pretty darn delicate to me. Like a gentle breeze might break you."

"Zack. Don't tease. Cloud's reaction was perfectly reasonable." Sephiroth typed the website address into his computer. "But if they somehow have _exclusive_ pictures, we're moving to Cactuar Island. And setting up a defense perimeter."


	4. Welcome to the Turks

_**Title:**_ Welcome to the Turks  
_**Author: **_XpaperplaneX  
_**Beta:**_ Urplesquirrel  
_**Rating:**_ PG  
_**Word Count:**_ ~800  
_**Pairings:**_ SephirothxCloud  
_**Genre:**_ humour  
_**Warnings:**_ none  
_**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own FFVII and make no money from this work.  
_**Summary:**_ Elena learns that being a Turk isn't quite as glamourous as it first appears.

Just a short bit about who gets to deal with the mess in Sephiroth's bathroom. It should be read after Chapter 30 of PoW.

XXX

Elena read her mission assignment for the third time and still couldn't quite comprehend what she was being asked to do. It was ridiculous! Sure, she was the rookie, but this wasn't what Turks did, was it? She decided to complain. This was probably a test and if she just did it, she'd be kicked out. Decision made, she marched into Tseng's office holding the paper outlining her assignment.

"Sir, is this a joke?" she asked, waving the paper.

Tseng looked up from his computer where he had been typing furiously. He looked really tired; Elena knew that there was a big fuss going on about the mission General Sephiroth had been sent on, but it looked like it was affecting Tseng personally. "Is what a joke?"

Right, the assignment. She'd get that sorted out, then she would find out what was bothering Tseng. "This assignment, with the cleaners, it's a joke, right? I mean, it's not a real assignment, is it?"

"We don't give joke assignments, Elena," Tseng snapped. "Do it."

"But, surely something like this isn't a Turk's duty, is it?"

"You're not a Turk yet. And you won't ever be one if you keep complaining."

Elena decided to not push her luck and fled the office. She came across Rod in the hallway, looking smug.

"So glad you've joined us, Elena. Otherwise we would've had to play rock-paper-scissors to see who had to do it. But since I'm such a nice guy, I'll give you the number for the cleaners we always use." Rod handed over a business card.

"Gee, thanks." Elena took the card with distaste. _Midgar Service Pros - for all your cleanup jobs!_

"You'll have to find a contractor on your own. I'd recommend finding one that will install plexiglass; you'd probably prefer to not have to do this again. Although, Sephiroth could probably break plexiglass anyways… maybe just plain safety glass would be better."

"What exactly happened? The assignment wasn't too clear. It just says I need to get cleaners and a contractor in to fix General Sephiroth's bathroom."

"What, you want me to spoil the surprise? No way!" Rod gave Elena a thump on the shoulder and headed down the hall to his office. "Mind you keep an eye on them, and don't tell them beforehand whose apartment it is. Not unless you want to deal with an enraged Sephiroth after he finds spy cams in his shower."

Elena sighed and looked at the card Rod had given her; this was hazing, she was _almost_ sure of it. She sighed again and pulled out her PHS. She just couldn't take the risk that it wasn't.

XXX

"What the _hell_ is this!" Elena stood at the bathroom door and stared. She had arrived a while before the manual labour was supposed to get there, to check out what exactly needed to be done. She took a step away from the bathroom; away from coppery smell of the dried blood, then hauled out her PHS and dialed Rod's number. "Did he sacrifice an animal?" she demanded as soon as Rod picked up. "Is that the big surprise you didn't want to ruin? The leader of SOLDIER worships demons?"

"Uh… I don't think that's what happened, but good guess. I like how you immediately jump to demon worship. He'll love it. His story is that he slipped in the shower and put his foot through the door. Zack was laughing like a maniac when he told me, though, so I think there's more to it than that. Cissnei wants to change it to Cloud being the one who slipped, just in case it gets out. She doesn't think anyone will buy Sephiroth slipping, got it?"

"Yeah, I've got it."

"And Zack said the bedroom was still pretty messy when he was there. Do Sephiroth a favour and toss anything incriminating or embarrassing in a drawer."

Elena slowly turned and looked at the rest of the bedroom. From the suspiciously stained sheets and towels, to the men's underwear that were obviously too small for Sephiroth, to the lube and the empty bottle of syrup, was there anything that _wasn't_ potentially incriminating or embarrassing? "So just stuff his whole room in a drawer?"

"If you think it'll fit. Look at it this way, Elena, you've just got a night of two guys having a lot of fun to clean up after. At least there isn't a corpse to deal with. And you won't get _those_ jobs until after you're no longer a rookie. Enjoy this while you can."

Elena poked at what looked like a come-covered towel with the toe of her shoe. "This is disgusting."

"Welcome to the Turks, sweetheart."

XXX

A/N: This is what gets written when I'm refusing to write actual PoW. At least it's not Minna no Nihongo fic…


	5. Colour Coded

_**Title:**_ Colour-Coded  
_**Author: **_XpaperplaneX  
_**Beta:**_ Urplesquirrel  
_**Rating:**_ PG  
_**Word Count:**_ ~4400  
_**Pairings:**_ SephirothxCloud  
_**Genre:**_ humour, romance  
_**Warnings:**_ underage drinking  
_**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own FFVII and make no money from this work.  
_**Summary:**_ ShinRa's annual Midwinter Party is something all SOLDIERs and their partners look forward too. Unfortunately, they sometimes forget that not everyone knows the about the party's conventions.

Woo! I did it! Assuming the 21st is the solstice. I can never remember these things. (Note, for those of you who don't follow my LJ, I promised to have this out by the solstice since it's a Christmas story with Christmas ripped out because I don't have a pony. At least that's the summed up version.) Hope you have a great whatever you celebrate. I'm going to have the weirdest Christmas I've ever had... probably even weirder than the one I spent on a plane. I'll be eating steak and doing all night karaoke. Hopefully it will at least be more fun than the plane. :D

This one takes place before chapter 26 of Prisoners of War, but after the Memo omake.

XXX

"Cloud, hurry up. We're late already."

Cloud heard the fridge open and the clinking of bottles. There was plenty of beer in there; Sephiroth could wait a few more minutes. His final attempt at making his hair look like he had spiked it on purpose was mildly successful - as long as he didn't move his head. Sighing, Cloud fixed his shirt and stood up straight. "Why do I have to look so fucking young?" he yelled suddenly at the mirror.

"You don't look _that_ young." Sephiroth appeared in the doorway holding a beer and looking much more mature than Cloud could ever manage. "And you look very nice, so that's what counts. I don't know what you're so worked up about anyways. It's just the guys."

"No." Cloud spun on his heel. "It's just _your_ guys. And _your_ guys happen to be fucking intimidating! Gimme that beer." Cloud snatched the bottle out of Sephiroth's hand and began chugging it before he had a chance to protest.

"Hey, come on, Cloud. It's not that bad. You've met a lot of them before, haven't you? I know it sucks that Zack's not coming, but you'll still have fun, I promise."

"Sure, I've met some of them before." Cloud drained the bottle and slammed it down on the counter. "As an assistant for the day. Now I'm being introduced as your boyfriend and you're going to get dragged off to talk to people and they're not going to want me around so I'll get left alone and I'll just be a _freak_ standing in the corner with no one to talk to."

"You won't be a freak, Cloud. And I'll do my best to not abandon you, I promise. The other SOLDIERs know who you are and that you're coming with me; you'll have someone to talk to even if I get dragged off." Sephiroth was giving him that pleading look that Cloud had trouble resisting. It wasn't that he didn't _want_ to go, it was just... scary. But he had to admit, it felt nice that Sephiroth had invited him to come as his 'significant other'.

Cloud managed a small smile and tugged at an unruly spike. "Don't worry," he sighed. "I haven't changed my mind. Let's go."

XXX

ShinRa spared no expense on the SOLDIER Midwinter party; Cloud had to stop and stare in awe for a few moments at the lavish decorations. Massive garlands hung from the ceiling, ice sculptures glittered in every corner, and the tables were piled high with food. Sephiroth allowed Cloud to stare a short while before taking him by the hand and gently tugging him out of the doorway.

"Let's go take a look around and grab some drinks."

Cloud followed distractedly and leaned in for a closer look when Sephiroth let go of his hand by the first set of tables they came to. There were delicate little sugar things laid out on a tray, sparkling in the red and blue lights that were hung around the room. They were shaped like large snowflakes and looked like they would break if you breathed too heavily. He looked up to see Sephiroth coming back with two cups of what looked like eggnog.

"Are these edible?" Cloud asked wonderingly.

"Huh? Oh, Sugarflakes, sure they are. Help yourself." Sephiroth set the cups down and popped one in his mouth, making a face. "Solid sugar, mind you..."

Cloud very carefully picked one up and sucked on the end of it. For solid sugar, it was pretty good. It had little granules of sugar sprinkled on top and he could have sworn there was some sort of flavour to it. Sort of lemony, maybe.

"Happy Solstice, General," a voice boomed out behind Cloud, causing him jump and break his snowflake. "So we finally get to meet your boy toy, do we?" A hand clapped down on Cloud's shoulder and he did his best not to cringe away from it. This was exactly what he had been afraid of: being thought of as Sephiroth's toy.

"My what?" Sephiroth asked icily and Cloud scooted out from under the hand and over next to Sephiroth, trying to look as unruffled as possible. Sephiroth wouldn't let stuff like that slide.

"I meant your boy_friend_." The SOLDIER smiled uneasily at Sephiroth. "Apologies, General."

Cloud fumed. _He_ was the one being insulted. He deserved an apology too. In a sudden surge of confidence that he was pretty sure he only felt because Sephiroth was standing right next to him, Cloud looked the SOLDIER square in the eyes and stuck out his hand. "My name is Cloud and I'm not Sephiroth's toy. It's nice to meet you, sir."

The man blinked a couple times and gaped at Cloud in surprise before shrugging and taking Cloud's hand, giving it a firm shake. "Harvey, Jason Harvey, First Class. It's nice to meet you too, Cloud. And I _am_ sorry about the boy toy thing. It was just a joke; I didn't mean to offend you."

Cloud nodded his acceptance, feeling suddenly nervous again, and turned to pick up one of the cups of nog Sephiroth had brought. He sipped at it while Sephiroth and Harvey talked about troop movements in Wutai. Sephiroth kept an arm casually slung over his shoulder while he talked and Cloud did his best not to look like he was leaning on Sephiroth for support for his trembling knees. He had talked back to a First Class! That - that was quite possibly the stupidest thing he had ever done!

By the time they had agreed that there needed to be a meeting about ration shipments, Cloud had very nearly recovered himself. Then Harvey clapped him on the shoulder again and nearly knocked him over.

"Take care of our General tonight, Cloud. Make sure he doesn't kill any execs before we kick them out and start the real party, okay?"

"O- okay, sir."

"He's cute, sir, if you don't mind my saying so. Can't wait to see him in SOLDIER."

"Thank you, Harvey." Sephiroth turned and steered Cloud away, stopping at the punch bowl to refill Cloud's cup. "Told you you'd be able to handle them," Sephiroth said cheerfully.

"Handle them! I almost _died_, Sephiroth!" Cloud took a big gulp of his drink; this one didn't seem as strong as the other. That was a bit weird.

"You did not. And you made a good impression. SOLDIERs tend to like people who stand up for themselves."

"You don't get it."

"Sure I do, I just think you're overreacting." Sephiroth nudged him a little further along and paused at another punch bowl - this one was a nice, festive blue - and filled a fresh glass of eggnog for himself. "Come on, let's hit the dance floor. You'll enjoy that and no one will talk to us."

Cloud was feeling pretty good by the time they took a break from dancing. If only they could have kept it up all night, but the people who kept trying to interrupt them only to be brushed aside seemed to be getting desperate. He couldn't help but wonder why they had to bug Sephiroth about work stuff while he was at a party. Sephiroth eventually had to give in, unfortunately, and allowed himself to be dragged away by an angry-looking woman in a red dress after promising Cloud that he'd be right back.

Sephiroth wasn't right back, so he decided to get himself another drink. Since he was still _technically_ underage when it came to drinking, and Sephiroth wasn't there as his get-out-of-jail-free card, he had to be a bit sneaky about acquiring another one and made a dash for the eggnog as soon as no one seemed to be looking. He downed it quickly and was about to refill it when a voice he recognised spoke behind him.

"Chocobohead! How's it going?"

Cloud set the glass down and turned around so he was hiding it from view. "I told you not to call me that, Kunsel!"

"Happy Solstice to you too, brat. What's up? Where're Zack and the General?" There were two other SOLDIERs with Kunsel and Cloud glanced at them nervously.

"Zack couldn't make it; he's spending the night celebrating with Aerith. Sephiroth got dragged away by some lady... I dunno when he'll be back."

"He abandoned you? That sucks. Well, we were just going to grab some drinks and go hang out on the balcony for a little while, if you want to come with." Kunsel nudged Cloud out of the way and each of them grabbed three cups and began filling them.

"Thanks, but I should probably wait for Sephiroth to come back. He shouldn't be much longer." Cloud eyed the glasses the SOLDIERs were balancing carefully; one in each hand and the third squashed between them. It didn't look safe.

"All right, well, if you give up on your man, come find us. I promise to probably not call you Chocobohead." Kunsel gave him a wink and disappeared in the direction of the balconies. Cloud overheard one of the other SOLDIERs wondering how a kid like that had caught the General and he sighed, refilling his own cup.

As he drained the last of it, the world was starting to seem quite fuzzy and the room seemed to be spinning a bit. He had only had... how many? Cloud was trying to puzzle it out when he heard a couple people talking nearby.

"So is that the General's new squeeze?" an overly muscled man was asking.

"Think so... I saw a picture of 'im in his office the other week," said the other, lankier looking man. "Looks the same."

"He's _tiny_. What the hell does he see in him?"

"Well he _is_ pretty cute, if barely legal. Maybe he just likes 'em young?"

Cloud banged his cup setting it down, furious. He could feel the rum running through his veins and giving him an extra boost of courage again. They were talking about him like he wasn't even there! Wobbling slightly, Cloud pushed himself away from the table and marched over to the two men. And panicked. Now what the hell was he supposed to do? His mind became a screaming sheet of white noise. Unable to think of anything to say, Cloud just looked back and forth between the two, not blinking and trying not to show his fear.

The SOLDIERs stared back at him for a few moments until the burly one cleared his throat. "So I heard Essai got roped into teaching another cadet class, making it four. Poor guy's had no time for missions lately."

"Better," Cloud muttered and gave a sharp nod of his head. He returned to his spot by the eggnog and mumbled to himself while he poured another glass. "Damn right should be shcared of me. I'm scary. Have a Sefferrof."

Cloud giggled and wandered off to poke at some of the decorations stuck to the corners of the tables. Tinsel somehow ended up tangled around him and he flapped his hands in an attempt to get it off, which only served to spread it around. A long piece was dangling in front of one eye, but he couldn't quite catch it to pull it away.

"Cloud, are you all right?"

Cloud giggled again. "I'm drunk... and tinsel'sh shtuck to me."

"Yeah... I can see that." Cloud was turned around and he blinked up at Kunsel a bit bewilderedly.

"You... not wearing hat."

"No, I'm not. I take my helmet off for fancy parties. How about we get some water into you. Has Sephiroth still not been back?"

"No' back. Ran away, I think."

"Nah, he didn't run away. Scarlet's probably just trying to molest him and he's trying to escape without hurting her. Come on, let's get you sitting down." Kunsel took Cloud by the hand and led him, stumbling, over to some chairs against the wall. "You sit here and I'm going to get you some water, okay?"

"Oookie doke. I sit here." Cloud sat, poking at a gouge in the chair and trying to get the tinsel out of his hair, when someone poked his leg with their foot.

"Hey, I'm talking to you, Private." Cloud inspected a big pair of shoes, but couldn't quite find the willpower to raise his head.

"No' a Privut. Cor'rl. Corple. Cororperel. Fuck it. Not Pravvit."

"Yeah, well, we've all heard the rumours about how a pansy-ass like you earned that -"

Cloud surged to his feet and swung his fist as hard as he could, connecting with something that made the person talking to him make a noise that could have been of pain. It also made Cloud lose his balance and he fell on his ass, giggling. The big shoes were still standing next to him and they seemed like rather unimpressed big shoes. Some small part of his brain tried to tell him that that wasn't a good thing, but all Cloud could think was that someone should draw frowny faces on the shoes so he'd know for sure. The thought made him giggle even harder, even as a hand reached down and grabbed his shirt.

"Hey! What's going on, Trent?" The hand let go of Cloud immediately and he slumped back to the floor. There was some yelling going on above him and some more shoes came over. A bit more yelling followed, before the frowny shoes went away stomping and a face suddenly appeared in Cloud's vision.

"You all right, kid?" It was that first guy they had talked to.

"No' a toy! And brave! Thash how got pormosshun." Cloud failed his fists angrily.

"Poro...? Oh, promotion. Yeah, I know, I heard about how brave you were. How the hell did he get this drunk?"

"Dunno. Nog'sh good."

"Anybody notice what colour bowl he was drinking from?"

"Shit... he was standing by one of the blue ones... did Sephiroth not tell him?"

"Cloud, hey, pay attention." The First's face was looming at him again. "Were you drinking eggnog out of the blue punchbowls?"

"Mebbe... blue wash pretty."

"Well shit, Cloud. I'm amazed you're not in the hospital. Come on, let's get you off the floor."

Someone grabbed Cloud from behind and he struggled wildly, not wanting to get picked up by some stranger. It didn't work, though; the person trying to pick him up was obviously a lot stronger than he was. That brought on a momentary feeling of panic until he thought of just going limp. Whoever had him lost his grip and Cloud slid to the floor with a thud.

"Nice soggy noodle act, Chocobohead." The person behind him disappeared and reappeared in front of him, looking like Kunsel.

"No hat." Cloud poked him on the forehead.

"Nope, no hat, you drunk. Come on, stop being a brat and let me help you up."

"Was you?"

"Yes, it was me. Who did you think it was?"

"Dunno... all grabby an' stuff."

The First Class was still there and he let out a loud barking laugh. "Do me a favour, Cloud. Don't go telling Sephiroth that Kunsel was 'all grabby and stuff' with you."

Cloud tapped his chin with one finger, considering. "Speshul favour. Jush for you."

The First laughed again and leaned down to grab one of Cloud's hands. "Take his other one. You're too kind, kid."

Kunsel took his other hand and Cloud was hauled to his wobbly legs, which would have given out under him if it hadn't been for Kunsel wrapping an arm around him.

"What the hell's going on?"

"Sefferrof!" Cloud perked up and surged towards the voice. "I punshed someone!"

"What?" Familiar arms caught him and Cloud latched on.

"Punshed 'im good! Bashdard!"

"I was just going to give him some water, sir..."

"All right, let me get him sitting down." Cloud was pushed downwards and collapsed into a chair, and Sephiroth was forced to follow him because Cloud wasn't letting go. Somebody turned his head so his face wasn't pressed into Sephiroth's chest and a cool glass was pressed to his lips. "Drink this, Cloud."

Cloud gulped at the water, even letting go of Sephiroth so he could hold the glass himself, trusting that the arm would stay wrapped around him.

"What actually happened?"

"I wasn't there, but as near as I can figure it, someone was speculating about how Cloud got his promotion. Cloud punched him and knocked himself over in the process."

"I see... Harvey?"

"I got there after Kunsel. The other SOLDIER was drunk and being argumentative, so I sent him back to his quarters. I'll handle any disciplinary action in the morning."

"You don't want to tell me who it was."

Cloud finished his water and tapped the glass against Sephiroth's hand. "More?" Someone, not Sephiroth, took the empty glass and replaced it with a full one. Cloud rolled his head back to smile up at Kunsel. "Thank you."

"I'd rather not, sir. You don't need to concern yourself with it; I don't think he actually said much before Cloud hit him. And... you have your hands full."

"I do... Why is he this drunk? He knows his limits."

"Er, we think he may have been drinking the SOLDIER-strength eggnog."

Cloud's water jostled and splashed as Sephiroth sat bolt upright. "He~y."

"Sorry, Cloud. The _SOLDIER_-strength? Are you sure? Why didn't anyone notice and stop him?" Cloud settled back down into the crook of Sephiroth's shoulder and sipped more slowly at his water this time. He shut his eyes and tried to pay attention to what people were saying. They _were_ talking about him after all.

"I never saw him drinking when he wasn't with you, sir, or I would have. Didn't he know about the colour-codes?"

"I... I don't think I mentioned it, actually. Shit, Cloud, let's get you home, okay?"

"Nuh uh! Wanna dansh!" Cloud splashed the water again as he struggled to sit up straight.

"Cloud, we should go home. You're not -"

"Want. To. Dance!" he said firmly, trying his best to enunciate each word properly.

"All right, all right, don't shout. One dance and then we're going." The glass was taken out of his hand and Sephiroth pulled Cloud to his feet, leading him towards the dance floor. Cloud's knees kept trying to collapse with each step, so he opted for taking much larger ones to cut down on the number required to reach their destination. "Put on something slow," Sephiroth said when they finally got there, and the music was abruptly cut off.

It was replaced with a slow tune that made Cloud feel like swaying. He tried and nearly fell over on his first sway. There was muttering all around him, but Sephiroth just chuckled.

"Come here, you." Strong arms scooped Cloud up and cradled him against Sephiroth's warm chest. He wrapped his arms around Sephiroth's shoulders and tucked his head under his chin.

"Want to dance," he said quietly.

"You are dancing, Cloud. See?"

He was. His body was moving in time with the music, swaying back and forth as they slowly made their way around the dance floor. "M'a good dancer," Cloud mumbled, face pressed into Sephiroth's chest.

"You're a very good dancer." Cloud felt lips press against the crown of his head and he smiled to himself.

Cloud allowed himself to be lulled into a relaxed state and barely noticed when the song ended and they were moving away from the dance floor. He was jostled a little bit as a coat was wrapped around him. "Home?" he asked.

"Yeah, we're going home. You need to get some food and more water into you before you pass out."

There were some voices talking around him, but it was hard to pay attention. "Not doin' any shexy things wish you tonigh'."

There was a burst of laughter from several people and it felt like Sephiroth clunked his head against Cloud's. "No, no sexy things tonight."

"I mean it!"

More people were laughing now. "Cloud, I hate to break it to you, but you're not very sexy right now."

"At least he's not puking, sir."

"Oh, don't say that, Kunsel. You'll give him ideas. All right, we're out of here. Happy Solstice, everyone."

"Ha-ee Solshtish." A hand ruffled Cloud's hair and then they were away.

"We're taking the stairs, Cloud, so you've got no reason to puke."

"Kay." Cloud snuggled down under his coat and drifted off into a light doze.

XXX

"Cloud. Cloud, wake up. I need you to drink this." Someone was roughly shaking Cloud's shoulder and he groaned, pulling the soft thing that was on top of him over his head.

"Go 'way."

The thing covering him was roughly pulled away and Cloud blinked up at Sephiroth. "Nope. You're going to drink this, you're going to eat something, then you're going to have some more water, and then you're going to get in your pyjamas and go to bed. Here."

A bottle was shoved into Cloud's hands and he sat up a little and took a sip. "Eugh! Gross, hell're you tryin'a do?

"I put electrolyte powder in it; trust me, you'll appreciate it in the morning. Drink it."

"Gross... why not real sport drinks?"

Sephiroth sat down next to him - they must have been on the couch - and pushed the bottle towards his lips. "Sports drinks are full of sugar and chemicals you don't need," he said shortly.

Cloud reluctantly took a few more sips of the nasty water. "Mad at me, arn'you?"

He heard Sephiroth sigh and an arm wrapped around him. "I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself for forgetting to tell you about the bowls, but I'm definitely not mad at you. I'm just worried now. It's easy to get a lot of the SOLDIER booze into you before you even feel it. Do you know how much you drank?"

"Dunno, ts'all fuzzy."

"That's okay, don't worry about it. Here, Luxiere packed you up some sandwiches. Think you can handle eating one?"

"Who's Luxsheer?" Cloud asked as he took a bit of the sandwich.

"A SOLDIER you impressed. Takes guts punching a Second Class."

Cloud dropped his sandwich. "What?"

"You impressed me too." Sephiroth pressed a fresh sandwich into Cloud's hands. "Eat."

"Punched... _Second_? I punched a Second?"

"From what I heard, he deserved it, so don't worry about it. Get that look off your face." Sephiroth took the sandwich back and shoved it into Cloud's open mouth. Cloud bit out of sheer reflex and chewed absently, his mind reeling at the horror of what he had done.

Cloud swallowed his mouthful. "You hate me. Talked back to a First, got drunk, punched someone, made you _carry_ me..."

"I had fun dancing with you, even the last one. You're cute when you're wasted."

"But not sexy," Cloud wailed, feeling more sober by the second. "Everyone was there, weren't they?"

Chuckling softly, Sephiroth handed him the water bottle again. "You didn't throw up; you deserve an award." Sephiroth paused a moment as he seemed to realise something. "Tell me if you're feeling sick, though," he added.

"If you have any mercy at all, you'll kill me now and save me the embarrassment. No one would blame you, I'm sure." If he could just curl up and die here on the couch, that would be best.

"No can do, I like you too much to kill you. Finish up your water and we'll go to bed. I promise it won't seem so bad in the morning."

"Yeah... I'll be in too much pain to care." Cloud chugged his disgusting water; it really was the only way he was going to have a chance of lessening tomorrow's hangover. His head was already beginning to hurt. When he finished it and the sandwich, Sephiroth hauled him up off the couch; apparently his legs were still incredibly drunk. He struggled into his pyjamas and crawled under the covers, feeling Sephiroth lie down next to him a few minutes later.

"There're two more bottles of water on the nightstand," Sephiroth said as he wrapped an arm around Cloud. "Wake me up if you need more."

XXX

_Subject: The night of silver winds._

_Last night was ShinRa's annual Midwinter Party held for the brave SOLDIERs as thanks for all they do. Sephiroth was, of course, present at the party, and he brought along his devoted lover, Cloud, to keep him company. It was a private party, so Silver Elite staff were not allowed on the premises, but we naturally had an informer who kept us up to date on all the happenings._

_The party was the first corporate function that Cloud had attended, and he was understandably nervous about it. We can only imagine how difficult it would be to live up to Sephiroth and SOLDIERs expectations. Cloud, however, became the talk of the party for his witty banter and amazing dance skills. Sephiroth showed utmost devotion to his tired partner at the end of the night, even going so far as to carry him on the dance floor for one final dance before they bid everyone a Happy Solstice. Doubters hoping for a swift breakup of the pair were no doubt disappointed by the night's events. We at the Silver Elite are glad that they have found such happiness with each other and would like to assure our fans that, despite rumours, there was no fight at the party, and Sephiroth went home satisfied with an exhausted Cloud in his arms._

_We have attached an exclusive photo that will be sure to brighten up everyone's holidays._

Sephiroth could barely contain his laughter at the wild inaccuracy of the report. "Well, at least he doesn't look _completely_ wasted in the picture."

"Seph! He doesn't look drunk at all, that's why Cissnei picked it. You can barely even see the tinsel in his hair. He just looks like he's snuggled up 'cause he's all tired and he loves you so much."

"Zack, don't say things like that. But can you let Cissnei know that I want a copy of the picture?"

"Sure thing, bud. So... why can't I say things like that?"

XXX

A/N: I rather adore writing the Silver Elite fanmail, but the subject lines are a bitch to come up with. Also, I imagined the SOLDIER-strength nog to be made with Bacardi 151 and rather heavy on the rum part. Cloud can hold his liquor like a champ.


End file.
